Year of the Bacon

The most novel thing I’ve done in 2011 to date: behind-the-stage seating at a Kevin Bacon concert to kick off the Year of the Rabbit.

“Kevin Bacon concert??? What the deuce???” you ask incredulously. Yes, Kevin Bacon and his brother, Michael Bacon, have a band. They are called The Bacon Brothers, not to be confused with the trio of alleged BC gangsters Jonathan, Jarrod and Jamie Bacon that Wikipedia tells me exist. I guess that goes to show that no good can come from giving your children alliterative names. I’ve never trusted families that pull crap like that. You just know that there’s something dark brewing underneath the matching holiday sweaters.

There’s nothing dark about the musical Bacon Brothers, though. Their music isn’t particularly good, but you can definitely listen to it. They can pretty much be summed up as a bunch of dads who like jamming together, and because one of them happens to be both a famous movie star and a cult icon they can sell records and book Koerner Hall. There was some vaguely interesting instrumentation, a song about a giant squid, and a quite decent James Taylor cover that, to their credit, was not Fire and Rain. I wouldn’t recommend buying a Bacon Brothers album, but if you can get free tickets through work, as I did, you should take advantage of it.

ESPECIALLY if your seats end up being DIRECTLY BEHIND THE STAGE!!! For your reference, Veronica and I were sitting here:

True, we didn’t get to see their faces as they performed to their adoring, white-haired fans. But we DID have front row seats for all the tight-panted dance breaks. I’ve never been particularly interested in Kevin Bacon, and a quick Google image search prior to the concert suggested that he hasn’t been aging gracefully. Well, Google has never been more wrong. Kevin Bacon is a skinny, skinny man who wears tight pants and has a freaking LUSCIOUS head of hair. Which is to say, he’s everything I’m looking for in a Saturday night. When did that happen? I’ve seen A Few Good Men more times than I care to admit. How did I miss the studliness?

Another thing you should know about Kevin Bacon: he plays the cowbell with a tambourine, and when he does, the act can only be described as lewd. For most men, the prop of choice for cock-rock is a guitar. Not for the Bacster. Novelty percussion instruments are the new electric guitar. And for all the Footloose fans, K-Bac can still move. And he does so liberally. Check out this tambourine tango:

Heyyyyyy Mr. Tambourine man, play a song for ME.

Sadly, I did not take advantage of the opportunity to high-five me some Bacon while my six degrees of separation was a mere 20 feet and a few amps. I did, however, enjoy a BLT before the show. And I think he would be into that.

I learned at my staff Christmas party that I am only one degree of separation away from Kevin Bacon through a professional connection. Here are some other things that I have connected to Kevin Bacon today:

Babe2Bacon (a Twitter challenge from Nikki Shaffeeullah) That pig from Babe co-starred with James Cromwell, who was on 24 with Kiefer Sutherland, who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon
Bacon2Veronica (my roommate is a twin, and like all twins, she has an acting resume from childhood) Veronica was on an episode of Seasons of Love with Peter Strauss, who co-starred on the show with Rip Torn, who was in Men In Black with Vincent D’Onofrio, who was in JFK with Kevin Bacon
Bacon2Luminato (I ran this idea by my boss. He was receptive (or at least pretended to be).
Bacon2Luminato2007 Eric Idle, co-creator of Not the Messiah, was a member of Monty Python with John Cleese, who was in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle with Cameron Diaz, who was in Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise, who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon
Bacon2Luminato2008 Nitin Sawhney (A Throw of Dice with the TSO) produced the music for a couple of video games starring Andy Serkis, who was in Lord of the Rings: Two Towers with Bernard Hill, who was in Titanic with Leonardo DiCaprio, who was in the Departed with Jack Nicholson, who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon.
Bacon2Luminato2009 Andy Summers (Shadow Notes) was in The Police with Sting, who was on the fifth episode of Studio 60, which stars Matthew Perry, who was on Friends with Matt Leblanc, who was in Charlie’s Angels with Cameron Diaz…Tom Cruise…BACON
Bacon2Luminato2010 John Malkovich (Infernal Comedy: Confessions of a Serial Killer) was in Being John Malkovich with Cameron Diaz, who was also in Knight and Day with Tom Cruise, which brings us back to A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon.
Bacon2Luminato2011 Lisa Ray (TAJ) was in something called Cooking With Stella with Don McKellar, who was in Trudeau with Colm Feore, who was in The Sum of All Fears with Ben Affleck, who loves Matt Damon, who was in The Departed with Jack Nicholson, who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon.
Bacon2Luminato2012 Philip Glass, composer of Einstein on the Beach, did the score for The Hours, which starred Meryl Streep, who was in River Wild with Kevin Bacon.

Bam.

Sadly, I could not find a connection between Kevin Bacon and his west coast gangster namesakes. To save me some serious digging, I thus propose that the Bacon Brothers start a pot-fueled musical collaboration with the Bacon Brothers. The combination of gang violence, music and celebrity is sure to have thrilling results. Or at the very least, spur a West Side Story revival. Either way, I would be entertained.

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